Back to School: The Parent Edition

It’s January. That time of year again. The ‘back to school’ sales have started, discounts flooding your inbox for stationary, backpacks, lunchboxes, shoe-labels, hats, the works. It’s endless.

These aren’t truly the most important things though - the kids will lose them in five minutes, anyway. Always the way, unfortunately.

There are some timeless concerns for parents with kids who are either starting pre-school, primary school, starting at a new school, transitioning to high school, beginning homeschool, or even simply finding themselves in a classroom without their best friends by their side. As adults, such things may feel trivial, or inconsequential, but the truth is, for the kids, it’s one of the biggest hurdles they face each year. They can’t match our life experiences – their reality is still a little smaller than ours, so such events loom so much larger on the horizon.

So, what might you expect to see? Anxiety, in all its manifestations. Maybe anger, a new shyness – or even the reverse – fatigue, excitement, the list goes on.

It can be challenging for kids to integrate into a new environment physically, socially and academically. A new school or classroom can mean learning where things are - not just in the room, but in the entire school. Imagine your first day, not knowing where to put your things, where to sit, where the bathroom is, where your parents will find you at the end of the day. It’s overwhelming.

Then, at a social level – who is your teacher? Are they nice? What do you call them? What are their expectations? Who will you sit with at lunch? Who will you sit with in the classroom? How do you make friends with people? What if someone is mean to you? How will you remember all the names? What a whirlwind for kids! It’s no wonder a common behaviour is misbehaviour. They’re testing the boundaries – with their teachers, with their peers, with their parents, with anyone and everyone. Their whole world has changed, and all its frameworks, and now they need to figure out the new rules. Testing the boundaries is one of the ways kids of all ages achieve this new understanding. It’s annoying, and frustrating, and sometimes might feel like your darling child has been swapped for some kind of hormonal grinch, but it’s not for forever.

As parents, then, our role becomes helping our kids navigate this new reality. A few deep breaths, a reminder that these behaviours are not permanent, a few more deep breaths and perhaps some discussion with the teacher (more on that a little later).

So, what are some ways to approach the teacher(s)?

The school will likely have policies in place about when, where and how this is to be done. Usually, I would start by contacting the child’s classroom teacher or pastoral care teacher, if there is one. Honestly, the best way to speak to a teacher is to email them. Don’t phone out of thin air, and don’t grab them in the playground for ‘a quick chat’ – unless it really is just that.

I want to be able to prepare if necessary, I want to be able to take notes, and I want to be able to give you the time you deserve. I can’t do that if I’m in the middle of things, have kids waiting for me, or don’t have writing implements. A scheduled phone call or an email chain is always the easiest way for a teacher to engage with parents. It’s not because I don’t want a casual chat, it’s because I want to be able to do my job as best as I can, and I can’t do that if I’m distracted or multitasking.